Super Heroes vs Foot Odor

It’s been far too long since my last blog.  I could give you some excuse like ‘I’ve been too busy’, or ‘Work has been crazy’, but that wouldn’t be the truth.  I was actually saving the planet from a group of rogue ninjas disguised as sugar plum fairies…hmmm… I don’t even know what a real sugar plum fairy looks like, excuse me, I’m going to go and Google it really fast……….

……Okay I’m back and sugar plum fairies look just like ballerinas with wings, kind of disappointing actually.  I was hoping for something more fearsome, although, with a name like sugar plum fairies I’m not sure why I would have expected anything else.

So, maybe I wasn’t really saving the world from ninjas disguised as sugar plum fairies, but it was something very similar, or rather, it was something different every day.  We have accumulated quite the collection of super heroes and super villains, play swords, lightsabers, nerf guns etc etc etc… Needless to say, we have some epic battles, even with the sides being completely imbalanced. 

“Why are the sides completely imbalanced?”

I am glad you asked!  (See the great thing about being the guy writing the blog is you can do whatever you want, you can even create fake people to ask you questions that you want people to ask.)

Jordan is the dictator of the toys when it comes to play time, and it usually plays out like gym class in junior high.  Jordan chooses all the best guys for his team and we get left with, hmm, how can I put this nicely… , ‘the underappreciated’.   The team splitting process goes something like this:

Jordan says, “Okay, I get Superman, Batman, Flash, Green Lantern, Hulk and Optimus Prime.”

Then, “Daddy and mommy get… this horse, a car, the Black Power Ranger with one leg and a piece of already chewed gum… and I guess you can have this magic boot that can make your guy fly.  Oh wait, no, I need the magic boot for Batman, you can have this tractor, but the tractor can’t talk he can only Moo, like in Cars.  Oh yeah, and the Power Ranger needs to go to the hospital. (he takes what would have been the Captain of my team and puts him on the counter in the kitchen next to the dish drying rack next to the other Power Rangers that are missing limbs, which is ALL of the Power Rangers.)

Now we have our teams and the battle begins and it goes like this:  “Laser vision! sharp bat! Hulk Smash! I am Optimus Prime! Super speed!  You’re all dead, I WIN!!!”

Jodi and I will say something like “That’s not fair, we didn’t even get to do anything.  Let’s make new teams okay and we will have another battle.”

Repeat the team selection process with some variations:

Jordan, “Okay I get Superman, Flash, 3 Batmans, Lex Luthor (from Crisis on Two Earths, because that Lex Luthor was a good guy.), Hulk, Optimus Prime, Bumblebee, this bag of Army Mens, Green Lantern, Ironman and Spiderman.”

“You get this motorcycle guy, Woody (from Toy Story), this ball, this horse, and my stinky sock.”

Sigh…I wish I had the magic boot, at least, so the stinky sock could fly.